Take some tips from Goddess Parvati on how to get the man of your dreams. Goddess Parvati demonstrates how to be the perfect female compliment (prakriti), to your male counterpart (purusha), in a loving relationship.
Shiva is a manifestation of God according to Vedic tradition. He is a yogi, a devout practitioner of yoga and meditation, and that is how he spends almost all of his time. He lives on Mount Kailas in the Himalayas. Vishnu or God is compared to milk and Shiva is compared to yogurt which is produced from milk. Therefore, he is a fully realized, godly being.
Those who undergo long-term penance and austerity can win Shiva’s favor. Such a person was Taraka, a powerful demon chieftain, who wanted to achieve some degree of immortality. When Shiva finally offered him a boon or blessing, he asked that only a son born of Shiva himself would be able to kill him. His reasoning was that Shiva was a celibate yogi and would not likely have a child. Receiving his wished-for boon from Shiva, Taraka went about decisively defeating the gods and seizing their heavenly domain.
Since Shiva himself was a yogi or celibate ascetic, the gods had to find a woman or a goddess capable of luring Shiva into marriage or even a sexual encounter in order to produce the child who would kill the demon, Taraka. Enter Parvati. Parvati is born to Himavat (the god of the Himalayas) and his wife Mena. Parvati means “mountain goddess.” She is usually described as being dark and in some versions is given the name Kali, "the dark one," because of her complexion. She is also described as very beautiful. In some accounts, she shows a keen interest in Shiva from the outset, repeating his name to herself and taking great delight in hearing about his appearance and deeds. As a child, a sage came to her home and, after examining the marks on her body, predicted that she would marry a naked yogi. Examining the marks on the body is known as the science of Samudrika or bodily markings. These are primarily the lines upon the palms and the bottom of the feet as well as facial features and marks, such as lines and moles. When it became clear that she was destined to marry Shiva, her parents were honored. Parvati was delighted and sometimes had had glimpses of her past life as Sati when she was also the wife of Shiva.
In the modern day, the British model, Kate Moss, is an example of a woman born with a mole on her right breast which is indicative of fame and success. Although she does not have the traditional form or body of a model, she has been a highly successful supermodel for many years. Even when she was involved in a scandal around drugs, she managed to transcend this infamy and to reestablish her stellar career.
A woman may also be blessed with the marks of the Godhead, all of which have been delineated in the Vedic literatures. For example, there was a princess named Damayanti in ancient times whose beauty was unsurpassed and unparalleled, so much so that a few of the gods came down from the heavenly realms seeking her hand in marriage. She possessed a birthmark of a lotus flower described to be like a faint freckle between her eyebrows. At present, there is a woman known to me who is an evolved soul coming from a very wealthy family who carries the birth mark of a conch shell on the inside of her left arm which is recognized as a sign of divine favor.
Parvati is persistent in her quest to win Shiva as her husband by setting out to perform austerities. One of the most effective means of fulfillment of any desire or wish is the performance of tapas — penance, austerity or voluntary sacrifice. Through persistent performance of austerity, one will generate so much heat which is tantamount to determination, force of will or fire of desire, that the gods will be obligated to grant the ascetic a wish in order to save themselves and the world from being scorched by that heat. It is interesting to compare the modern version of penance to win over a man or gain a relationship. It generally consists of diet and fasting, weight loss if necessary, physical work-outs and exercise, hair removal and waxing, manicure and pedicure, tanning beds or liquid tan, facial mask, hair coloring and styling, perhaps botox injections or plastic surgery, breast augmentation, and various other beauty treatments and austerities.
By undergoing penance and privation, Parvati is demonstrating to Shiva that she can match him in his own realm, that she has the inner resources, self-control and fortitude to cut herself off from the world and completely master her physical needs. By performing tapas, Parvati abandons the world of the householder and enters the realm of the world-renouncer, which is Shiva's world. Her austerities surpass that of the great sages of the time. She performs the traditional mortifications, such as sitting in the midst of four fires in the middle of summer, remaining exposed to the elements during the rainy season and winter, living on leaves or air alone, standing on one leg for years, etc. Eventually, she generates so much heat that the gods are made uncomfortable. They go to Shiva to persuade him to grant Parvati's wish so that she will end her austerities. Shiva agrees to marry her.
Women generally fail to understand or realize their inherent ability to attract a man into their life. There is no particular need to physically go here or there (bars included) in order to find a man. The personal magnetism of the feminine energy has the ability to draw things to itself much like the Moon which attracts or draws the tides. Timing is a consideration, however, and there are time periods that are better than others. Thus, one can consult Vedic astrology with good effect in determining one’s personal karmic cycles. But like Parvati, any woman can draw to herself or create in her life a relationship with a suitable partner. However, she must have the power of determination and focus and she must also be willing to not settle for something less than her envisioned ideal. Also, she must qualify herself as a worthy receptacle for that particular man so that she will have the power and ability to ‘contain’ his energy. As Parvati eventually attracted the unattractable and uncontainable Shiva, a woman can attract a suitable man into her life by following her example.
Parvati’s singleness of mind and focus of will should not be confused with obsession. Obsessive people are codependent and believe that they somehow cannot live without the person of their dreams. And they may go to any lengths to get or keep the object of their affection in their lives. This is obviously not healthy for either party and is clearly not what we are suggesting here.
The samskara or sacred ceremony of marriage is called vivaha in Sanskrit. Vivaha means ‘carrying each other.’ The traditional meaning is that the husband supports and cares for his wife while she upholds his position and prestige in the community and society. With women as much a part of the professional world as men nowadays, these notions have now become interchangeable. The sacred ceremony of marriage is meant to purify and strengthen the subtle bodies (i.e., the emotional and mental bodies) of the couple so that they may become worthy and effective instruments in the hands of the Divine. Also, that their marriage will uplift society and that they may produce children whose footsteps are a comfort to Mother Earth.
In general, man is head and woman is heart. Men are intellectually oriented while women are emotionally oriented. The woman is the embodiment of love in the marriage and in the family. She loves and is loved. She loves the children and thus kindles the vibrations of love in their hearts and minds. This binds them to her. This feminine loving vibration expands outward toward everyone and creates a similar vibration in the subtle bodies of others. It is the woman and it is the role of the woman that binds together the family members. And when her loving adhesive is missing in the home then happiness and peace also cannot be found there. Simply put, love is a force that attracts things to itself. So therefore, a woman is a loving force that attracts things and people to herself.
The concept behind marriage compatibility is finding two partners who will be a suitable, what to speak of perfect compliment to each other and that their union will thereby result in the improvement or the betterment of themselves and also of the human species.
During sexual congress, there is an exchange of magnetic energy and in some rare cases, spiritual energy. A perfect circuit of such energy is connected and completed between the bodies of the two participants in the same way as an electrical current when two opposite poles come into contact with one another. The magnetic connection is there by virtue of the physical exchange. The presence of the spiritual connection is relative to the spiritual consciousness of the man and woman and their invocation of God’s grace and blessing in their loving union. But nonetheless, the energetic connection does take place on other levels in accordance with the various bodies that surround each person. In particular, the physical body, the emotional body and the mental body. If a suitable marital match and compatibility of nature between the couple has been carefully determined and due attention has been given to grade, quality and proportion of the male and female elements on the physical, emotional, ideological, mental and spiritual levels, the couple should be blessed with health, harmony and happiness. Their very union will strengthen their physical, emotional and mental well-being and contribute to their longevity. And with regard to the fruit of their marriage, it will also produce intelligent, fortunate and long-lived children.
In India, where the divorce rate is much lower than in the Western world, it is still common practice to have the horoscopes of the would-be bride and groom compared for harmony and compatibility before the decision is made to go forward with the marriage. The mutual happiness of the couple, their personal growth and spiritual evolution, as well as the degree of health and well being the relationship will bring can be determined by means of the astrological compatibility. The science of astrology or jyotish is regarded as one of the limbs of the Vedas known as the vedangas. It is considered to be the eye of the Vedas through which all can be seen. Astrology is an exacting and effective science except when used by envious persons, charlatans, those who lack discrimination and those of meager understanding. Then it becomes a tool for misdirection and destruction, what to speak of commonly being reduced to cocktail conversation. Astrology can accurately determine the degree of compatibility in several categories between the two marital candidates.
The Vedic concept of marriage seeks to unite the head and the heart. The male typically represents the head or intellectual, discriminative energy and the female typically represents the heart or emotional, binding energy. In that sense, the man is the “head” of the family and the woman is the “heart.” It does not necessarily mean that he has to control all the family members, win all the arguments and make all bend to his will. More properly it means that he is to fulfill his discretionary or discriminative role in the context of the marriage and the disposition of the family. The woman’s role as the pulsating heart is to motivate, inspire, intuit and give voice to the feelings and desires of the family and its members. This is her function and in this lies her power in the act of binding all the family members together using her emotional mortar.
Probably the most fundamental and often overlooked area of compatibility is the basic nature of the man and woman. There are four natural divisions of human society which reflect four fundamental groups. These natural divisions can be found throughout the world, throughout the history of every civilization for they are universal and archetypal. A person inclined to be a teacher, advisor, healer or intellectual is known as a brahman. A person who strives to be a leader, an organizer or protector of others is called in Sanskrit a kshatriya. A person who finds fulfillment as a merchant, business person or farmer is recognized as a vaishya. And a person who is inclined to work as a craftsperson, tradesperson or laborer is known as a shudra. Ideally, a woman who is a brahman is paired with a man who is a brahman. A man who is a kshatriya is mated with a woman who is a kshatriya, etc. When the two have a similar nature and share the same professional inclination, it creates a sound foundation for compatibility. With this groundwork in place, the details of the compatibility can then be filled in. It is also generally indicative of a particular degree of evolution of the concerned parties. Ideally, the ‘head’ and ‘heart’ should be of a similar degree of advancement and enlightenment on the spiritual path. If a female is united with a male belonging to the same octave or range of vibrational frequency, their dharma or duty toward the greater good of society will more easily and naturally bear the desired fruit. Their union will become a powerful vessel of transformation through a process of spiritual alchemy and the result will be a raising of the consciousness of the couple and its attendant effects on the collective societal mind of which they are a part. The two souls will be instrumental in their mutual growth and development toward a higher octave in their next life. Thus, the evolution of the human species is assured. This is the hidden secret and true meaning of marriage compatibility.
What happens if two people come together who do not share the same basic nature? Then it is a question of one of the partners ‘marrying down,’ so to speak. Does this work? As I have witnessed this over the course of thirty years, it only works in one direction. For example, a brahman man can marry a woman from any of the other societal divisions. Since he is the “head” of the family, his stronger mental position can provide spiritual direction and discretion for his wife and family. On the other hand, a brahman woman can only marry a brahman man since her mental energy will be stronger or more complex than that of a man whose classification is not on her level. I have witnessed this numerous times. When a woman ‘marries down,’ the man is usually not smart enough or strong enough to accommodate her energy and it does not yield a balance and subsequent peace in the relationship. She is more well-suited to assuming the male role than is her unsuspecting partner, who, through no fault of his own, can never seem to please her or assume his natural position as “head” of the family. In our Vedic history, both Shiva and Parvati are brahman by nature and thereby well suited fundamentally for their marital partnership.
After the two are married, Shiva and Parvati depart to Mount Kailas, Shiva's favorite dwelling place, and immerse themselves in sexual dalliance, which continues uninterruptedly for long periods of time. Their lovemaking is so intense that it shakes the cosmos and the gods again become frightened. They also then become afraid of what the child will be like who is produced from the union of two such potent deities. They fear the child's extraordinary power. It is humorously ironic that the gods initially want to get Shiva to generate a child to neutralize the threat to their power by the demon, Taraka. They then act to prevent the very thing they had set out to achieve when they believe it may prove an even greater threat to their political standing. It appears that politics is politics in whatever realm you find it. With this end in mind, the gods interrupt Shiva's and Parvati's lovemaking. As a result, Shiva spills his semen outside of Parvati. The potent seed is so fiery and hot that most containers are unable to accommodate it. It finally ends up in the river Ganges where it is incubated and born as the child, Karttikeya, the god of war. After defeating the demon, Taraka, in accordance with the prophecy and saving the world, Karttikeya finds his way back to his parents.
What to do when your husband is a mystic yogi and absorbs himself in meditation for days on end? The modern day version of this is husbands who watch every sporting event broadcast on television or who play golf every chance they get. Or they are simply workaholics and never have time for the wife and family because of their perception of a greater responsibility to earn a good living for everybody. The flip side of that may be a deeper issue of avoidance and non-responsiveness in their relationships with their wife and family members. For most women, they would feel as if their husband is avoiding or neglecting them. The way Parvati handles this is to absorb herself in deep meditation and remove herself to the same subtle plane as Shiva where she can be with him or communicate with him. For those of us here on the physical plane, we can stay in contact with our loved one in a similar manner on the astral plane in our astral body consisting of mind, intellect and ego, or simply through the medium of telepathy or the practice of empathy. Or we can simply remain on the mundane plane and learn how to appreciate sports. For this it helps to learn the rules of the game your husband loves to watch.
Parvati became irritated when Shiva called her by the nickname, Kali, which refers to her dark complexion. Shiva's complexion is also dark but bluish in hue. Being susceptible to his teasing, Parvati resolved to rid herself of her dark complexion and did so successfully through the practice of yoga and austerity. She transformed her body into a golden hue. She then became known by the name, Gauri, the golden one. This is the age-old need for a woman to please her man, to be attractive to him and look good in his eyes. Women will undergo almost any kind of difficulty as mentioned earlier in order to win or keep a man. Parvati, of course, takes it to a whole other level when she actually manages to transform her skin color from blackish to golden. It also demonstrates that men often tease women by pointing out a weakness or some trait that they know the woman is sensitive about. Parvati’s dark hue was probably of no consequence to Shiva since he had already agreed to marry her and he himself had a dark bodily complexion. But by calling her Kali or ‘blackie’ enough times, she resolved to remedy the situation. Further, Parvati’s alter ego or dark, violent side known as Kali is sometimes produced from her wrath and pops out from between her eyes to fight on her behalf.
Transformation of libido into spiritual power is the art of conversion of energy or sexual alchemy. The house of love has two stories — the physical and the mystical. When the energies are not exclusively operating on the lower level, they rise up and nourish the higher plane. In the sexual practice of tantra, a man never ejaculates his vital, precious semen but actually tries to raise its essence up the spine to the brain, also called the soma chakra or third eye. One who is able to master this attains higher states of consciousness and gains supernatural powers known as the eight mystic siddhis. This also enables the orgasm to be sustained much longer without the spilling of the precious liquid life force. The ultimate goal, physiologically, is to draw the vaginal fluid in through the penis and unite it with the seminal fluid. This creates an exalted state of God consciousness through the union of the opposites, prakriti and purusha, yin and yang. Parvati as the primordial goddess is known as kundalini, the coiled one. The kundalini is a symbol of dormant energy that must be uncoiled or unleashed, that is, raised up the spine, in order that its creative potency may be made manifest on the highest levels. Parvati is the volcano, the mountain that contains the fire. She takes the form of the vulva which gives shelter or containment to the phallus of fire, represented by Shiva. Parvati establishes the phallic fire within her elements of earth and water. Otherwise, the phallus of fire has the power to reduce everything to ashes. Shiva is associated with fire, which dries up or burns the juices of life. His inner fire is so intense that in one story, he is found to contain ashes in his veins instead of blood. In another story, Shiva becomes so furious with the god of love, Kama (Cupid), for disturbing his meditation that he reduces him to ashes with fire shot out from his third eye. Parvati, on the other hand, is associated with water, soma in particular. Soma is the life-giving essence found in all plants, essentially, their juice. It is also the elixir of immortality that the gods and demons churned from the ocean of milk. She prevails upon Shiva to revive Kama, that is, to regenerate the power of sex desire.
In our society, maleness or machismo is measured by a man's ability to 'get it up,' how many times he is able to ‘get it up’ and how many partners he has ‘gotten it up’ with. Shiva demonstrates that one's spiritual strength, conviction and commitment are measured by one's disinterest in 'getting it up,' but rather it is gauged by one's determination to 'keep it down.' Sex desire is the root cause and the sustaining factor of household and family life. Overcoming sex desire ultimately leads the soul to liberation from repeated birth, old age, disease and death. If a man cannot sustain this path while young, then he must practice it in his latter years.
Shiva is known for his quick temper, that is, fiery disposition. He is sometimes wild, unpredictable and destructive. Parvati is the calming, reassuring, neutralizing influence. She may sometimes be found following Shiva about, softening his destructive effect and ameliorating the devastation. She is the force for preservation and reconstruction. Shiva is the archetype for the husband who breaks everything apart his wife tries to build. He loves her, he wants her and he wants to be with her, yet he doesn't want her to have too much control over things, particularly over his life or their life together. So, whenever her plans start to gain too great a foothold, that is his cue to shake the foundations.
Shiva and Parvati represent the neutralization of the tension between the opposite poles of male and female. Typically, the man seeks freedom and autonomy while the woman seeks marriage and union. Whoever has the eggs has the strongest desire to make the nest. The female of the species always carries the eggs. The most common symbol for this taming of the male principle and engaging its creative power is the linga within the yoni, the penis within the vagina. This symbol can be found in many Shiva temples throughout India. The masculine principle is often wild, independent and ungovernable. Through the power of the yoni or vagina, a woman can actually subdue these qualities in a man and in a sense, domesticate or tame him. This is Parvati’s role in relation to Shiva. It is truly one of the mysteries of life, the captivating influence that the yoni has over the mind and therefore the penis of man.
Shiva is a very extreme individual. He is either totally disinterested in sexual activity, that is, procreation, or he can’t get enough of it — he literally burns with passion and sexual vigor. Shiva is a yogi and a mystic. Through the prolonged practice of yoga, meditation, celibacy and asceticism, Shiva has built up over time a tremendous creative force within himself. To unleash this creative force or libido means to give birth to wonderful and powerful beings and things. In Vedic times, sages and holy men who were engaged in celibate asceticism were sometimes called upon to, in effect, lend their semen or creative potency to a queen, for example, who had lost her husband or whose husband may have been impotent. By impregnating her, she was almost certain to give birth to a high born, enlightened or otherwise powerful personality which would, in turn, benefit the earth and her inhabitants. Do we not do this also in our modern day with the establishment of sperm banks and donors? With Shiva and Parvati, we find the ascetic in Shiva as well as in Parvati herself, which is normally accustomed to sexual abstinence, step into the realm of the householder where regulated or duty-mandated sexual activity takes place. To do this, they must abandon the world of the renunciate and embrace the world of the householder, though never fully succumbing to married life in the traditional sense. It is as if they keep one foot in each pond.
In Vedic philosophical understanding, there are four goals of human existence known in Sanskrit as:
1. dharma — duty or work
2. artha — economic development
3. kama — fulfillment of desire
4. moksha — spiritual emancipation
These are the four areas of life in which all humans typically seek fulfillment. Dharma means one carries out one’s duties or obligations in accordance with one’s basic nature. It does not simply refer to getting a job and making a living but rather, doing something that reflects one’s purpose in this world in this lifetime. It also means assuming a responsibility, not only to one’s family and loved ones, but to society and humanity by showing a willingness to make a contribution which will benefit all, that is, to serve the greater common good.
Artha is the acquisition and expansion of wealth or the development of one’s economic base as well as making a contribution to the economic needs of the community and society.
Kama is the fulfillment of desire. When we have established our career and business activity, when we are making a comfortable or successful living from it, then we are free to fulfill various desires we may have, such as material necessities and everything that stems from that as well as luxuries and indulgences that we as humans tend to want.
The final goal known as moksha or spiritual emancipation is given less and less value in a world where materialism increasingly runs rampant. From a Christian point of view, this refers to a place in heaven after death. However, from a Vedic point of view, going to heaven after death means going to the place of the gods and godly beings where one is due to reap the rewards from the good acts performed in this life. Heaven is the place where one receives one’s good karma. When that good karma is used up, one then must come back down and take birth again here on the earthly plane and continue the process of repeated birth and death, the cycle of samsara. But beyond heaven is the spiritual world where God Himself/Herself lives. When all one’s karmic activity and karmic reactions, both good and bad, have been exhausted, and when one has no further material desires, then one is free to go to the spiritual world where one need never come back to take birth again here in the material world. This is true moksha or spiritual emancipation.
Shiva’s focus is on moksha, a fundamental disinterest with the material world and material activities. His practice of yoga and asceticism is solely aimed at keeping his mind and his being in a state of union with God. Parvati, on the other hand, has fully come to terms with the fact that she is here in the material world and subsequently tends to make her focus the practice of dharma. She is concerned with doing her duty with regard to the function of creation and the enhancement of life on the earth. She is also very aware that by virtue of their asceticism, she and Shiva can produce children who can strengthen, uplift and inspire all other beings on the planet. She sees this as their duty. Not just to bear children, mind you, but to produce children who will make a difference in the world. The two of them create a balance between duty and liberation, contribution and disinterest. For Shiva and Parvati, this is the creative tension of the opposites between the poles of yoga or spiritual union and bhoga or material enjoyment. This is the highest manifestation of the marriage institution so beautifully embodied by Parvati.
So how does the average human woman attract her own version of Shiva? And by the same token, how does the average man attract his own manifestation of Parvati in relationship?
To the extent that a man has grown into a mature male and to the extent that he has also developed the feminine within himself, to that extent he will be able to attract a suitable partner or mate. To the extent that a woman has developed herself as a woman, a feminine being, to that extent she will be able to attract a suitable partner or mate. Sometimes, we look at the inadequacy of our mate and say,
“She’s not this.”
“He’s not that.”
“He behaves in a manner I can’t stand.”
“She never gives me the encouragement and acknowledgement I need.”
This is always a reflection of what is going on inside ourselves. When a man develops and cherishes the feminine in himself, he will then be able to attract a wonderful woman. She will find him irresistible. When a woman develops and cherishes her own femininity, she becomes irresistibly attractive as a woman and will then be able to draw in a beautiful, enlightened and balanced man.
A woman must regard the feminine side of her nature as an asset, not a liability — as a strength, not as a handicap. She must be grateful and happy to be a woman and celebrate this opportunity. If you seem to have a pattern of continually attracting the wrong sort of man or woman, take a look in the mirror and find your own inadequacy. Or go within your heart and discover in what way you believe you don’t measure up or don’t deserve to have what you want, and begin the process of changing it.
Years ago, I asked my eleven year old daughter if she was happy being a girl or would she rather be a boy. She looked at me as if I were crazy and said, “Why would I want to be a boy?” I love being a girl.” And then she showed me a little button she had on her key chain that read, “GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL.”
People believe that they must go to certain places such as bars, clubs, social events or dating services in order to meet a potential mate. This may work for some but not for many. The first important principle with regard to finding a mate is timing. If you find yourself in a room full of attractive and eligible bachelors and you’re the only woman present, it does not necessarily guarantee that you will find a boyfriend or a marriage partner. There are actual periods or cycles in people’s lives when they are likely to meet a potential partner and other times when they are not. This can be quite accurately determined through astrological calculation. I have been able to do this for thousands of people with a high rate of success. But, let’s set that aside. Let us suppose you are in a favorable period of your life in which to find a mate (whether you know it or not). Have you done the requisite groundwork? Have you tilled and planted the soil so that your desired fruit will appear?
Women are generally not as forward as men and usually don’t go looking for a man to club over the head and drag back to the cave. Although, nowadays they are more willing to do that than ever before. However, that doesn’t mean it is all that effective. You don't have to go out and chase after a relationship. Draw it to yourself. The power of a woman lies in her identification with her feminine energy or prakriti as illustrated by the moon. This power enables her to draw a mate to herself just as the moon pulls bodies of water, such as the ocean’s tides and the menstrual cycle. This same law of attraction, by the way, can also work for men, especially those men who prefer not to chase around after women. No doubt, one must have or develop a fair amount of patience in order to stick to this approach. It can take some time.
This method was adopted by both my wife and myself long before we met each other in ways that were somewhat similar and different. And it worked for us. We both used meditation, prayer, mantra, visualization, and various offerings, such as incense, candles and flowers to particular male and female aspects of God. In other words, the desire was held firmly in the mind while the manifestation of the desire was left up to the gods. Although we each had preferences, our prayer was mainly that we would be sent a person most suitable for us as individuals. In actuality, the universe or God knows better than you what is best for you. But most people get in the way of that by applying too much control or by thinking they know what is best for themselves or by not trusting in the higher divine plan or by focusing on one particular person who may not be even remotely interested in them, what to speak of suitable for them? If we leave it to the majority of humans to choose their ideal partner, guess what usually happens? There tends to be a lot of trial and error. My wife and I endeavored in our own respective ways to leave it up to the gods to find and send us the one person best suited for us. This was not an act of ego but more particularly, a surrender of the soul.
Suggestions for attracting your mate:
1. Many people recommend you write down in as much detail as possible the qualities and qualifications you are looking for in a person. Go ahead and do this and read it over a few times. Now, burn the page it is written on and let it go within your heart. You have made the universe aware of your preferences. Now let it go and let the universe find what is best for you at this point in your life. You may have to do this a few times in order to feel like you are truly letting go and allowing God or the universe instead of your ego to determine your fate and find your mate.
2. Get a clear sense in both your mind and heart of how your mate should feel energetically or how it feels to be around such a person.
3. Make sure you have sufficiently prepared and transformed yourself for the relationship you seek. Make a list of your own good qualities, qualifications and virtues. Affirm who you are and what you have to offer. Is who you are and what you have to offer desirable to another person? If you were that other person, would you want to be with you? Expand your qualities and virtues so that you actually become irresistible to others, so that you become a person that you would want to be with. The list of qualities below may offer some good suggestions.
If you do not already embody some of these qualities, then you should sit peacefully in meditation and see and feel each one of them developing within you. Feel yourself embodying and materializing each quality. Meditate on real-life situations and how you would behave and what you would do if you were to express a particular desired quality.
They are: patience, tolerance, tact & diplomacy, empathy, innocence and purity, gratitude, loyalty and fidelity, simplicity, compassion, steadiness, persistence, forgiveness and mercy, stoicism and acceptance, surrender, receptivity, listening attentively, impartiality, reflection, restraint, reserve, shyness and modesty, humility, sensitivity, vulnerability, thoughtfulness and consideration, praise, devotion, benevolence and kindness, loving sacrifice, flexibility and adaptability, impartiality, peacefulness, comfort and nurturing, amiability, sensuality, passion, charm and attractiveness, tenderness, pleasant and encouraging speech, good memory, intuition and perception, vision and prophecy, and finally, unconditional love.
4. In your meditation, shift yourself energetically to bring your vibration into the essence of the feminine. As completely as possible, step into your feminine being so that you may draw in the masculine in its purest form. Do things that make you feel like a woman. This will be different for different women. Behave like a woman. If you do wonderful domestic things while figuring out ways to manipulate people around you, then you will hardly benefit from such behavior. Celebrate your womanhood and your femininity.
5. Feel yourself attractive and irresistible to men but not in a lustful or provocative sense. Like the sun, let your spiritual beauty shine all around you. Physical beauty is great but it fades over time. The beauty of the soul eternally expands. It seems that our modern world has run amok with the belief that plastic surgery is somehow the cure-all for whatever your problem might be. This has little or nothing to do with the beauty of the soul.
6. Don’t settle for less or for someone that you know deep within yourself is not right for you. Don’t resign yourself to second best, thinking that that is all you deserve or that the guy standing in front of you may be your last hope for a relationship.
Many years passed between the end of my first marriage and the beginning of my second. I had girlfriends from time to time but never for more than a few months at a time. Some people accused me of having a fear of intimacy, being unable to commit, maintaining unreasonable standards which no woman would ever be able to reach, being impractical and out of touch with reality, and of looking for a woman who did not exist. I bore these criticisms quietly. When I found a person who initially appeared to be a good candidate for relationship but turned out to be unsuitable, I would end it sooner rather than later. I wouldn’t continue to hold on to something that I knew wasn’t right for me just so I could be with someone and avoid loneliness.
7. Don’t enter into marriage just because all your friends are getting married and having babies and you feel left out. Or because society says a woman of your age should be married. Or because your mother is pressuring you for grand children.
On rare occasions, I have met women who are around forty and have not yet married. I am referring to attractive and desirable women who have usually had a few offers of marriage in their past. But they have held out since the right person had not yet presented himself. Though some of them may admittedly be a little lonely, I have tremendous admiration for these women. They did not compromise themselves or their principles and get married to the wrong guy just because everyone else around them was getting married. More often than not, these are usually strong women.
Many people want to go into relationship or so they say. But one of the areas often overlooked is that of emotional availability. They want a relationship but they are unwilling to make a space for it in their lives, what to speak of their hearts. If they go into relationship, they go in very cautiously which may be a good idea on the one hand. However, it usually translates to their holding something back. They won’t give themselves to their partner. Their expression is one of reservation. It’s like saying you want to go swimming but you never go in the water past your knees. Oftentimes, they hold back because they don’t trust the other person. This may be a reasonable practice initially but if their partner then proves worthy of their trust, why are they still unwilling to give it? Or if the person indeed demonstrates that he cannot be trusted, why were you with him to begin with? Why aren’t you able to choose someone worthy of your trust and love? If the person is indeed worthy of trust, maybe he is not the right person, the one you are looking for? If you actually found Mr. Right, would you then be willing to open up and surrender to him? Would you give yourself to him? Would you be available emotionally to the relationship?
I know I myself was not available emotionally in relationships for many years. For the most part, it was because the woman was not quite right for me and I knew it instinctively. It was also partially my experience of abandonment at birth that contributed to this. However, when I found the woman to whom I am now married, I surrendered my heart completely because all felt right. I became emotionally available probably for the first time in my life. I also think I may have not been ready, not mature enough perhaps in the past.
If the right person comes along, you must be ready to surrender yourself to the relationship and not hold back waiting for yet another person to come along. If you are not truly ready emotionally for relationship, then stop complaining that you can’t find one. First do the emotional ground work that is necessary for you to realize your desire for a loving relationship.
Once you have found your partner and are happily involved in a loving relationship, it is important to remember to avoid criticism at all costs. When necessary and with your partner’s permission, make suggestions for positive change in his life and in your life together. You must also be open to his positive suggestions for you. This is not a one-way street.
In my first book, “The Way of Kings,” there is a Vedic proverb that states, "There are two sources of trouble, internal and external. If the internal condition of the kingdom is satisfactory, then any external danger can be overcome. However, a kingdom besieged by internal problems will be defeated though it may be powerful externally." Your relationship is your kingdom and it must be fortified and kept strong. Remember, the enemy within is more dangerous than the enemy without because it will destroy the kingdom much faster than any external force. Curb your critical tongue.
A relationship is an entity unto itself. It creates an entirely new dynamic which includes and reflects the qualities and respective energies of both participants but generates a third or unique organism. For example, we can mix together flour, sugar, cocoa and nuts and bake them. Their individual qualities become part of a new and distinctive preparation — brownies. Though their individual traits are still present, their combination leads to a whole new experience for them and for those around them. And who doesn’t like brownies?!
Most people just want to have a human relationship connected to the body which can fulfill their needs down here on the earthly plane. This, in a sense, is a relationship of two bodies. A few souls are looking for a divine or spiritual relationship which will fulfill the physical requirements but will also help them raise their consciousness and their love for God and His creation. This is a relationship of two souls. The former is generally easier to achieve than the latter. Remember, whatever your desired relationship, it should always contribute to your growth and development as a loving and realized being, both materially and spiritually.
Parvati knew that in some significant way, she had to reflect and emulate Shiva, the object of her affection. Not just until she had landed him as her husband, but continually throughout their relationship. However, she didn’t do this artificially. She did it out of love and respect for this great soul who was her husband. You must also respect and emulate the soul who is your mate or husband, genuinely and lovingly. If you pretend to respect and love your husband, you will get caught in your own trap. Parvati tamed the all-powerful Shiva who was the personification of material detachment, not with manipulation and machination but with unconditional love and respect.